My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I need moral support for this bender
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
