it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
what day is it and did you see me today?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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