I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
