i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
