He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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