i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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