So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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