I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
