the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
