Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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