yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
