you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
