if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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