margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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