every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
