I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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