when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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