I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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