Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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