Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
