Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
