and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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