Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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