she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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