i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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