I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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