Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
