I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
