Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
