Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
