I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
