You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
PANTIES FOUND
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