He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
