My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
