She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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