last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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