I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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