maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
