And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
