i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
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