At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
