RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
