why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
