K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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