My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Drake has all the answers
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
