I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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