Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
