Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize