hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize