NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
