so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
