i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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