It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
