i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
