At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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