in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
