Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
