We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
