Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
