I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize