I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
