I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
