i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
there's paper in my vomit.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
