After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
