Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
