All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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