and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
