i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
