If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
