I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
