just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Mom said you looked used
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
