Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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