The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
