6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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