my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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