Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
