Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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