I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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