from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can I color on your dick again?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
