dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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