I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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