Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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